Growing up, and even now, I find it extremely stressful and overwhelming to quit hobbies and activities, even when I don’t enjoy them and wish I didn’t do them. I’ve reflected a lot on why this is, and wondered if anyone else experiences the same thing.

Being autistic for me can involve getting quite overwhelmed by life and my sense of self. Sometimes I feel really confused about who I am and what the meaning of life is, maybe because I like things to be objective and defined and labelled (black and white thinking!!) – and life is not like that. My hobbies and interests become ‘part of me’ and are part of how I define myself. I am Saffron, I like art, I like cereal. I read a lot and like learning things. It’s useful for me to describe myself like this because it calms me to know who I am in the world.

However, this becomes a problem when I don’t want to do a hobby anymore. I wonder who I am and what this means. Am I still Saffron? What has happened to me? Why? It makes me feel anxious and scared and shaky. I feel stupid that I get this way..but I’m hoping I’m not alone in this! I think it also relates to finding change and the unknown difficult.

Recently I decided to finally give up food collecting so avidly. Since 2016 I’ve collected specific food brands (reviewing and keeping the wrapper of every new product they bring out, among other food reviews and taste tests), but in the last few months it’s actually been quite stressful, because my life is busier now wth other projects, interests, and people. This hobby is no longer fun – its just anxiety provoking, and I also dont see myself as doing it forever, because I think it would be a bit impractical when I have a family.
To cope with this I’m trying to think of life as being in chapters – this is a new chapter of my life, and it’s okay for me to develop, learn things, and change as I enter new chapters. I also want to enter a new chapter because I’ve never really prioritised my mental health, and I’m trying to do that now. I suppose it’s a bit like when people say ‘new year, new me’. I’m just going into a new chapter, and this hobby was fun for a time, but things are different now, and it’s all part of my journey and wider life experience!

I feel like I’m waffling on now, but there you go – some thoughts from my head!